Lesson for the Unsuspecting

How I know that john birchel is a sobriquet, amongst other things.

So, yesterday I received a random contact request on Skype from a john birchel, in the lowercase, yes.

Note the following clues that he is not who he presents himself to be.

· The photo is blurry (low pixelate), probably having been downloaded from Google image.
· His name and surname is typed in lowercase… no proud American male official would do that.
· Who puts a photo of himself in uniform next to the American flag and then has to state in ‘About’ that he is from the USA?
· His brief bio is typed with horrendously poor grammar, syntax and spelling. He is too old for me to blame social media and smartphones for his sub-par English. Even when I edit his bio, he still sounds like a foreign caveman: My name is John Birchel from USA. I am a born again Christian. I am searching for God-fearing woman as wife (sic).
· Who does that? Is the fact that he is a born again Christian supposed to serve as a default CV of trust? What respectable man lets the whole world know he is hunting for a ‘woman as wife’.

Even if, by some lenient stretch of the imagination… lowercase john birchel is a real man but has a Finnish father, didn’t finish matric and is good with his hands rather... that lowercase john birchel is a little technology-challenged, and genuinely looking for a wife, albeit Rambo-style, because he is just so gatvol of not having anything to come home to… even with all of that I wouldn’t be interested in the slightest because:

· I have grammar-nazi DNA.
· His hunting style makes me feel pregnant and barefoot in the kitchen already.
· I don’t like this as a ‘How We Met’ story.
· 'He' doesn’t exist (and it will take a lot to convince me otherwise).

But, my bullsh*t detector is so finely-tuned, thanks to extensive (oft traumatic) training at the University of Life, that I just know the dude or chick or hermaphrodite or eunuch behind this lowercase alias is Timbuktu-far from what I’d be interested in communicating with.  Besides, I anticipate that within 2 weeks (no, make that 1 week) he'll profess his undying love for me. He'll tell me that he has finally found his soul mate. He'll pick up on my desire to have children and want to be the father. Gosh, he'll fill whatever holes I have in my life, no doubt! Then he'll tell me that his wealth (which will finance our glorious life together) is locked up in a 32-day call-up, but that he cannot wait to come and visit me (I am driving him crazy with passion)... and would I please send him some money for the flight. He'll pay me back sooner rather than later... blah blah blah.

So, I block. That’s what you do for lowercases like these. Unless you’re game, of course.